Faced with an unplanned pregnancy herself, Ashley knows the struggles that birth moms face first hand. “I thought there were only 2 options. Keeping the baby or having an abortion,” but Ashley would soon find out, through an “appointment by design,” orchestrated by God Himself, that there was another choice. At that appointment, which she believed she had scheduled at an abortion clinic, Ashley heard her baby’s heartbeat for the first time. Despite feeling shame, guilt, anxiety and a sense of detachment from the baby developing inside of her, she knew at that moment that no matter what her circumstances were, that baby deserved a chance to live. “Adoption was the path I knew I needed to take, but I still struggled with the thought of giving my baby away to two strangers. Could they really love this child the way it deserved to be loved? Could they provide the structure and stability that I couldn't at that point in my life?” Ashley battled these thoughts and emotions on her own for the first 2 trimesters of pregnancy. It wasn’t until she was almost 7 months pregnant that she knew she needed to take action with the agency that would facilitate the adoption. She reached out and the process of meeting potential adoptive families began. “Dave and Meleanie were the first adoptive parents I met. I was so nervous and unsure that I was making the right decision. When I met Meleanie, we hugged and I felt this genuine love.” For the first time in a very long time Ashley felt a sense of peace. “I knew they were heaven sent. I just knew in that moment that they were going to be the parents.” There was an instant bond of love that was created and Ashley now had 2 people in her life that would share the rest of this difficult journey with her. They attended doctor’s appointments together and were all together at the ultrasound appointment when they received the news that the baby she was carrying was a girl! 

 

In spite of the new found support she had with these wonderful people now in her life, Ashley still battled with whether she was making the right decision. She continued to experience deep hurt and painful emotions surrounding her choice. She second guessed whether this was the path she was supposed to take. Although she had never really had an understanding or relationship with God, she cried out for clarity and answers. “I still knew that I couldn’t give her the life she deserved. I knew that meant surrendering my right to this child to Dave and Meleanie.”

 

The time finally came to deliver her baby girl. “It’s a day I will never forget. I instantly felt an overwhelming love for her. I was more torn than ever before. Knowing that the time to sign the papers was coming, I was overcome with a sense of grief and deep darkness. Everything in me wanted to take her home and forget about the entire adoption plan. It was like a roller-coaster. My emotions and thoughts were up and down, back and forth. Through tears, I finally came to terms with the fact that the decision to surrender her was in her best interest. It was, by far, the hardest decision I have ever faced in my entire life, and I was the only one that could make it. I made the choice alone, holding my baby girl in my arms, I signed the papers, not knowing that kind of pain existed. I know now that it was God that gave me the strength in that moment to sign the papers. In the end, I took the hard way so that she could have the easy way. It was the deep, overwhelming love that I felt for her that drove me to surrender her to Dave and Meleanie and ultimately to the will of my Heavenly Father. She was no longer mine but I knew that God would guide her life and that everything would be alright even though the pain was unbearable.”

The next few months were challenging. Ashley battled every emotion imaginable, turning to drugs and alcohol in an attempt to numb her feelings and quiet her thoughts. There were days that she even contemplated taking her own life. The only comfort she found during that time was in knowing that her choice to carry her child to term had brought so much joy to the lives of her new family. “Had I chosen to end the life of this precious daughter, none of us would have known her, her infectious laugh, the light and joy she carries.” Ashley would also encounter another comfort during that time. Her experience with darkness would lead her straight into the arms of the Giver of Light! And it was only after meeting a man named Jesus that she could finally begin to let go of all the hurt and pain she had carried not only during that season but her whole life. “In that pain, through that pain, God brought me comfort. I opened my heart to Him and I allowed Him to heal every part of my past. In that process He showed me who I was created to be, my true identity, and that was different from the identity I had given myself. The person I thought I was, was the result of a life full of disappointment and lies I had believed about myself but God spoke truth over me through His Word and I realized that my identity wasn’t in my mistakes and failures or even in the things that had happened to me. My identity was that of a Daughter of the best Father in the universe! I was instantly set free of the bondage I had lived in my entire life up to that point and I am forever changed after encountering His love for me.” 

 

Years later, Ashley is still involved in her daughter’s life. “I have a wonderful relationship with her and with Dave and Meleanie. We visit at least once a month and I receive updates on their life regularly. I’ve enjoyed watching her grow up with the most amazing parents. They absolutely adore her. Ours is a beautiful story of how we redefined what ‘normal’ family looks like.”   

 

“My story has made me the person I am today. It has given me a passion to do the work I do with Shining Hope. It has given me a love and a heart to see women freed from their past and an ability to walk alongside women who are facing similar decisions in their lives. I know what it’s like and it’s my life work to make sure that women receive the support they need before, during and after what can be the most difficult time in their life. I want them to know that they can do it, they can choose life and they don’t have to do it alone.”  

 

Ashley McEwen is the co-founder of Shining Hope Pro-Solution Ministries and is the Director of our Surrender Birth Mom Mentorship Solution. She also serves on the Board of Directors as our Vice President. Ashley currently resides in Bradenton, Fl. with her amazingly supportive husband Dustin and their beautiful daughter Alexis.